JOMO (Joy of Missing out).

What causes the incessant craving to want to be involved with everything, plus that gnawing anxiety of missing out when you do make the decision to not be involved?

Why are we so inclined to say “yes” to social events and gatherings, even when perhaps deep down our secret desire is to rest or do something else?

My late teens/early 20’s was spent working long hours, followed immediately by large gatherings with friends until late in the evening/early hours of the morning, despite knowing I’d have to rise early for work, and do it all again. And feel tired, again. An endless cycle, but without any plan, or even want of change.

Yes, I know this is part of being young. Gaining independence from the confines of parents/peers. But pretty soon this want for change does arrive. Where getting a full 8 hours sleep is much more inviting than going out for beers with friends when you have work the next day.

But as we get older, why do we still fear missing out? Why do we still agree to situations we’d rather not be in? Why do we still hang out with people who drain our resources, and leave us feeling depleted?

I say enough is enough. I’m letting go of FOMO, and welcoming more JOMO into my life. The Joy of Missing out? Does this sound like a bizarre concept? I encourage you to give it a go. Next time you get invited to that dinner party with 15 people, half of whom you don’t know, when all you want to do it have a bubble bath and watch Netflix - invite in some JOMO. Polietely decline the invitation, run your bath, and ENJOY IT. Bask in the Joy of giving you what YOU need for once.

Let’s also stop coming up with elaborate stories to justify our decline to social gatherings… “my cat is sick”, “I’ve got flu”, “my kitchen sink is leaking”… we have a right to just politely say, “thank you, but I’m not feeling it tonight”. Without any further explanation.

Now, I’m not saying become a recluse, to never go out again. Socialising (with the right people) can actually be super recharging for our batteries. What I’m saying, is do so when you really want it. Don’t ever force it. And do so with the right people.

Another thing we do is hold on to friendships, even when perhaps the connection was lost a long time ago. People and situations change, and sometimes the people we grow into are no longer compatible any more. When this happens its important to listen in to that, otherwise any gathering with this person will be tiring, by trying to force something that’s perhaps no longer there, by trying to find mutual interest, when perhaps there aren’t really any left?

Again, this doesn’t have to be some big drama. It could be an open, and honest conversation about what you’re feeling. This person may well be feeling the same way as you, and even if they’re not, at least they’ll be aware of how you’re feeling. Then from there, you can either decide to perhaps create some distance, or perhaps you might decide to make steps to try and rekindle what you had. Either way, we’re not just ignoring things and leaving them as they are.

So to conclude, let us honour what we want and need. Let us say no to situations we' don’t want to be in. Let us take rest when that is what our body is calling for. Let us have open conversations in relationships which are no longer working. Let us bask in the beauty of JOMO.

“We must believe we are worthy of rest. We don’t have to earn it. It is our birthright. It is one of our most ancient and primal needs.”

― Tricia Hersey, Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto

The above quote is from an amazing book, which really changed my perspective on rest. Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto, by Tricia Hersey. Tricia talks of rest as a form of activism against Capitalism, Patriarchy and White Supremacy, these dominant systems that are in place, survive only due to the fact that we're always doing. Always working, to get more money to buy more, and feed back into the system. Never giving ourselves space to just be.

The rest we take doesn’t have to be lying on the sofa, although it definitely can be. We can rest in movement, Yoga, walking, jogging. We can take rest in baking a cake. We can take rest in binge watching a series, and feeling zero guilt for it.

Rest isn’t lying on the sofa, but still replying to work emails. Rest isn’t taking work calls in your pyjamas. Rest isn’t doing things you don’t want to be doing.

What will really recharge you? What will really allow you to bask in the beauty of being? You don’t have to earn it. You are already worthy of it right now.